Meet the Rep: Father Christmas
Everyone’s favourite reindeer-riding racer spills the beans on what it’s really like to deliver the goods every Christmas.
Describe your typical week
There’s no such thing as a typical week. In the lead up to the Christmas peaks I am rushed off my feet. We always think we’ll never be ready in time, and every year, we’re pumped to hit our targets. In the summer, I take a well-earned rest.
How big is your on the road team?
Every December I take on thousands of temporary staff, who don the red and white Santa suit, to help me sell the magic of the Christmas. Some of them are more follically challenged than I am, but there are some pretty good imitations out there. Luckily they all know there is only one boss – me.
How many miles?
On my busiest night of the year, December 24, I travel about 25,000 miles by sleigh. The rest of the time I rely on my Avios points to get me from Lapland to the Caribbean.
What’s in your sleigh?
A spare Santa suit – sometimes I have to change my whole outfit when I’ve come down a particularly sooty chimney; a canine alarm, to scare the dogs away; and a ton of Berocca.
Most embarrassing moment on the road?
When Rudolph pooped on Taylor Swift’s driveway… I made him poop on Katie Hopkins’ driveway on purpose though.
What snack keeps you going?
I’m a yoyo dieter. In the summer I lose a bit of weight, then in the December peaks I put it all back on and more. I can’t resist mince pies and chocolate yule log. Sometimes when I’m feeling good I eat the carrots and give the cakes to the reindeers; maybe that’s why they get such bad diarrhoea.
And on the radio?
I’m contractually obliged to play the Christmas classics. Some are better than others but Paul McCartney’s Wonderful Christmas Time is irritating anytime of the year. I like to blast out the summer classics like Club Tropicana when I’m out of range.
Best thing about being on the road?
The awe and adulation. There are always big queues to see me, but it’s a bit unnerving when children burst into tears and don’t want to sit on my knee.
Worst thing?
Why is Christmas, my busiest season, in winter?! I can’t tell you how close I come to frostbite every single year. And then there’s the heat when I cross the equator – have you ever worn a Santa suit in the desert? I tell you, it’s torture. I sweat like a pig in a blanket. But am I allowed to complain? No, the board of festive directors are very strict on that. It’s against company rules to look grumpy at Christmas.
What key messages do you try to get across in a sales visit?
When you’re good all year round, your rewards will come at Christmas. I mean, it’s not rocket science, is it? But some people have a hard time with the most simple of concepts. Treat others in the way that you would like to be treated.
What’s your advice for agents who don’t currently sell Christmas?
Get on it! It’s perfect for experience-led customers, and if they can avoid the family arguments and don’t cry at the John Lewis advert, then everyone who buys into it is really happy. And it’s a lucrative career choice. I mean, everyone spends money at Christmas like it’s going out of fashion.
If you didn’t sell Christmas, what would you do?
I quite fancy the Easter Bunny’s job – all he has to worry about is chocolate. Or the Tooth Fairy has a nice easy life with regular income. But I hate going to the dentist, so that could be an issue.
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Place of registration: England and Wales.
Company number 08723341.
Registered address: 6th Floor, 2 London Wall Place, London EC2Y 5AU
