'Let’s all take a leaf out of Mel’s book and go forward with open hearts and minds'

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Melissa Tilling passed away suddenly in late June

Many in travel were left shocked and devastated by the news of Mel’s sudden passing last month.

She was an unending force for good and active throughout travel, particularly when it came to sustainability – and was a member of TTG’s Sustainable Travel Ambassadors Class of 2023.

Mel was so very vital, it’s hard to comprehend she’s no longer here.

We got to know each other in early 2018 when I interviewed her about her first 10 months as managing director of Funway Holidays following her promotion from the role of product and commercial director.

We got on like a house on fire, and bonded over my terror at taking part in the upcoming London Marathon – something she’d conquered the previous year.

She’d often send me running tips and motivational messages, and we stayed in more regular contact. That was Mel – always kind, always thoughtful. From that point on, I think she saw me as her main point of contact at TTG.

I was news editor at the time, and while she’d fill me in on her professional news, we’d often chat informally, too. It struck me how open and honest she was.

‘Diversity makes companies’

She became one of our regular magazine columnists, back when TTG was still a weekly, and diversity and inclusion was often at the core of her message.

This didn’t just come from a personal standpoint, but an industry one too: “Embracing differences in gender, sexual orientation, disability, age, religion or beliefs and racial or ethnic origin are critical to harmony, which is vital to the future of our industry,” she once wrote.

In the summer of 2018, Mel approached me explaining that she wanted to give an interview about her transition from male to female at age 42. It would be the first time she spoke about it publicly.

Understandably, she wanted the write-up to be handled sensitively, and we worked together closely until she was happy with the piece that went on to be published.

She approached it with her usual humour and candour, but – as ever – she had a specific message to get across. “Diversity makes companies,” she said.

Tilling told her story to TTG's Jennifer Morris when she transitioned from male to female aged 42

Mel told me she had felt “different” since the age of 13, but it wasn’t until she joined Funway in her early forties that she believed she had reached a level of maturity that allowed her to be “confident in being authentic” and to overcome her fears of confronting her gender.

It struck me that, in typical Mel style, she was again putting the thoughts and feelings of others before her own. “The approach I take to my work – methodical, planned and considered – was the one I took to my transition,” she explained. “I’m pleased it was because rushing, and forcing acceptance, doesn’t end well.

“If you abuse society by fighting it and presenting an image that is not in that binary environment – such as walking into work in a beard and a maxi dress – they will kick you back. It’s about working together to increase understanding. Society has come a long way, but there is still much to do for true acceptance of transgender people.”

Giving back – and ‘giving forward’

This idea of collaboration was a key part of Mel’s advice to both employees and employers on trans issues. For employees, she counselled against “punishing people” if they occasionally got a pronoun wrong, or referred to someone by their old name.

“You have to take a step back and accept this is an experience for them too,” she said. “You want people to embrace and accept you – if you then slap them back every time they make a small indiscretion, they don’t know how to act around you.

“Use being transgender, and the fact the law protects you, as a weapon at your peril, because it’s about acceptance and collaboration.”

Mel added that being “true to yourself” is often not as “terrifying” as might be expected.

A celebration of life

A celebration of life will be held for Mel in Bromley at 2pm on Thursday 29 August. Those wishing to attend are asked to RSVP to sarah.may.loftus@gmail.com for details of the venue. The organisers are keen to receive photos of Mel to be shown at the celebration. These can be emailed to Nicholas.ndmedia@gmail.com.